The Search

Sometimes I wonder if my words are strong enough,
Powerful enough to reach souls and change minds
Sometimes I wonder if my presence is enough to shake
The earth and leave marks on broken lives
A part of me wants to  be satisfied with the roof over my head,
With a TV to keep me entertained
With money and a fridge that keep me well-fed

I wonder
What it would be like to be satisfied with just that
Satisfied with the illusion of having it all
I don’t want more
I don’t want less
I just want to be able to open the door
To those who live their lives restless
But that is the extent of my ability
Wanting.
Not knowing how to step into doing.

I wish I could  be satisfied with being comfortable
Surely my mind would be just a little less of a mess
Maybe I’d stop wondering if
My words are powerful enough
Or if my presence shakes the earth and heals the broken-hearted
Maybe I could go on living without questioning…
Questioning the essence of my existence
Questioning ways to ease the pain
The pain of those around me
Those who couldn’t care less about putting a smile on my face
Maybe I would be satisfied with investing all my time and energy
Into building someone else’s empire
Just to barely get by
Maybe I would be satisfied with conversations
That degrade others
Maybe I would be satisfied with offering myself here and there
Because apparently “everyone does it”…

Maybe.

But,
I can’t.
I can’t stop looking for the answer to my existence
I can’t stop chasing the power of my presence
I can’t be satisfied with a mundane routine
I can’t be satisfied with putting someone down even if they deserve it
It’s hard.
It keeps me up at night.
I want to give up because I don’t know how to move forward.
I feel stuck.
But I can’t ignore what I know
That I have a voice that needs to heard
That the little that I have will multiply
That I am the solution to a problem
That my presence is enough to shake the earth.

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